Atheists ruin everything, part 10000000 (From Kidderminster Shuttle)

Atheists ruin everything, part 10000000

4:41pm Tuesday 14th February 2012 in Blogs 2013 By Rosemary Lobley

Today, children, we are going to learn about a beastly, beastly trend in our great society. Here is the beastliness in full: some people don't believe in god. Shocked! Appalled! Going to see the Pope and tell him all about it! That's not a witty joke I am making, using hyperbole as a humorous tool to expose the silliness of everyone who doesn't think like me. It's Baroness Warsi's actual response to something she calls "militant secularisation", which as far as I can see is what happens when nurses are told off for wearing crucifixes. It's "deeply intolerant", this secular militancy, and "demonstrates similar traits to totalitarian regimes".

The kind of secularism which takes issue with things like prayer at council meetings is the kind of secularism which will, apparently, shoot you inna face for questioning it. You know, like in that other country where they set up a totes totalitarian constitutionally enshrined separation of church and state so people could be free to worship whoever and however they pleased without the fear of being shot inna face and laws wouldn't be dictated by a bunch of old men and their magic book. Say what you like about America (and by cracky I do), they don't make you pray in school and none of their lawmakers are unelected religious figures. (They do have plenty of democratically elected religious nutjobs, but then we have Nadine Dorries and also a bunch of bishops in the House of Lords, so.) Truly atheism is the biggest current threat to our decent British god-fearin' way of life - just look at those radical sceptics, with their funny beards and their science degrees and their chants of "spaghetti monster hu akhbar". Check out those mental atheists over in the States, trying to pass bills that would class miscarriages as murder. How about that time the Definitely Not Church excommunicated that doctor in Brazil for performing an abortion on a nine-year-old girl after she was raped by her stepfather? Pfft. Atheists.

Militant secularism is one of those things like misandry and heterophobia and reverse racism, which only exist in the minds of paranoid god-bothering breeder honkies (I actually can't think of a slur for men; all suggestions welcome) who feel threatened by the notion that they might one day have to share some of the privileges with which they were born. It's not a real thing, it's a strawman Christians came up with so they didn't have to feel guilty for their disproportionate social and political power. Atheists are so disorganised we can't even decide on a spiritual leader or a set of commandments, let alone start our own army.

Watching Sayeeda Warsi stand up for conservative Christians is a bit like being told how funny Jeremy Clarkson is by a gay Frenchman or listening to anything Louise Mensch says. You can't help but feel someone's missing a point somewhere. Watching Warsi lead a delegation to the Vatican to talk about how unfair it is that no-one listens to the Christians anymore is like Elton John agreeing with Clarkson that political correctness has gone mad and you should be able to say what you like about the benders. Ratzinger thinks contraception is the same as murder, homosexuality is intrinsically evil and child sex abuse happens because of the 60s; meanwhile I'm a fascist for being mildly uncomfortable with crosses in government buildings. Go figure.

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