The family way
7:00am Saturday 6th September 2008
Kate Whiting looks at the weird, wonderful and sometimes weary world of parenting.
NEWS FOR PARENTS :: Grandparents have long been taken for granted as cheap childcare and now it seems one group is standing up for their rights.
Grannynet.co.uk, is creating a Grandparents' Charter, a set of guidelines for grandparents and parents that covers issues such as how much childcare is too much, payment for services and whether grandparents are free to discipline their grandchildren.
Lorna Edwards, who founded the website with her daughter Verity Gill, told The Guardian: "We hope to get a clear picture of what today's grandparents think is and is not acceptable when it comes to childcare.
"Childcare expectations are the most difficult issue for grandparents to refuse, because the issue is bound up with a sense of desire, duty, guilt and responsibility. Children can end up pushing it until grandparents end up feeling abused."
Irene Cordingley, of the Grandparents' Association, agreed with the need to spell things out.
"Children are a bit more selfish nowadays. They forget their parents have lives of their own and can take substantial childcare involvement for granted," she said.
:: One in six families with disabled children have been rocked by the soaring cost of living and are going without basic food and heating, a survey claims.
Contact a Family, the London-based charity for families with disabled children, unveiled the findings in a survey and report called Counting the Costs.
It showed nearly half of families have borrowed money from friends and relatives, with one in five using the cash to pay their heating bills.
Srabani Sen, chief executive of the charity, said: "Our survey findings paint a shocking picture of what these often vulnerable families are experiencing. It isn't right that in the UK today, families can't afford life's essentials.
"Everyone is feeling the pinch. But it costs three times as much to raise a disabled child and this is putting incredible pressure on these families just to survive in the worsening economic climate."
As the housing market slumps across the UK, one in 14 children with a disability or medical condition is living under threat of losing their home.
The survey also found that 18% of families with a disabled child are struggling with mortgage and rent payments and have been in arrears in the past 12 months.
To make ends meet, a quarter of families have approached charities for financial help and one in four has taken out a loan.
"This is a crisis situation for many, but disabled children and their families are at greater risk of poverty and less equipped to cope with soaring living costs," Sen said.
Contact a Family surveyed nearly 800 parent carers in the UK about their financial situation in the current economic crisis.
Families concerned about their finances can call Contact a Family's free helpline on 08088 083 555.
:: Four-year-old children are selfish little monsters - but they soon mend their ways and learn to share, a study has shown.
By the ages of seven and eight children have acquired a natural instinct to consider others, according to new research.
Scientists studied 229 Swiss schoolchildren using sweets as the "ultimate kids' currency".
Children were placed in pairs and one of them given three different ways in which their sweets could be distributed.
In the 'pro-social' game a child could choose between a 'one-for-me-and-one-for-you' and a 'one-for-me-and-none-for-you' option.
An 'envy' game offered a choice between 'one-for-you-and-one-for-me' and 'one-for-you-and-two-for-me', while 'sharing' allowed a choice between 'two-for-me-and-none-for-you' and 'one-for-you-and-one-for-me'.
Three and four-year-olds taking part in the experiment tended to just think of themselves, the researchers reported in the journal Nature.
The pattern changed dramatically when seven and eight-year-olds were tested the same way. By this age, most of them routinely chose the fairest options - especially when it involved sharing with another member of their personal group.
The researchers, led by Dr Ernst Fehr, from the University of Zurich, wrote: "At age three-four, the overwhelming majority of children behave selfishly, whereas most children at age seven-eight prefer resource allocations that remove advantageous or disadvantageous inequality."
This behaviour set human children apart from chimpanzees, which remain resolutely selfish throughout life, the scientists added.
:: Parents wanting to communicate successfully with their children should follow the same rules as dog owners, a leading animal charity has advised.
Both need to be shown what is acceptable behaviour but neither are able to communicate verbally, a dog behaviour specialist at Battersea Dogs and Cats Home said.
Pat Moore, deputy head of behaviour at Battersea, said a number of the rules for successful communication with young children and dogs are the same.
"With both young children and dogs you are using more simplified verbal communication and your body language becomes extremely important.
"The tone of the voice is key, along with your facial expression. If you are giving a command, you don't need to yell and shout but you should make sure your voice is firm and your meaning is clear."
Consistent discipline is important for young children and dogs otherwise it is difficult to establish ground rules.
Moore claimed that positive reinforcement - giving praise as a direct result of an action or behaviour - was the most effective way of training dogs and children.
"If a dog gets a treat for sitting when asked, it is much more likely to sit on command again," he said.
"A child behaves well while at the supermarket on a shopping trip and if as a reward they are given something they like, such as a tasty treat, they are much more likely to behave on subsequent shopping trips."
ASK THE EXPERT Q: "My daughter is due to start school for the first time this September. Besides getting her uniform ready, what can I do to help her prepare for the big day?"
A: Dr Helen Likierman and Dr Valerie Muter, authors of Top Tips For Starting School say: "Preparing your child for school is also about making sure she starts school confidently and is able to deal with the demands of the classroom and playground. This means preparing your child emotionally and socially as well as intellectually and educationally.
"Children who know beforehand what to expect from school will be able to cope better from the start. Tell your child about the school day, and what the school is like. Encourage her to ask questions about school, ask what she is looking forward to most or if there is anything that might bother her, so you can soothe any fears.
"It's a good idea to build in some short separation experiences, so your child gets used to being a apart from her parents. Maybe leave your child with a responsible adult for a while, such as a family friend or a grandparent, so she is not always used to being with mum.
"To help your child become more independent when they start school, set up and stick to routines at home and encourage her to make friends by practising friendship-making with dolls.
"You can help your child prepare for learning by using your play times together to improve her concentration. Encourage her to focus on a structured activity for a short time every day.
"But most of all relax, and don't feel you have to be the perfect parent!"
WEBSITE OF THE WEEK: netmums.com The popular parenting website will be hosting its inaugural First Day Mums online event when children start school on September 8. As soon as you've dropped the children off at school, you will be able to log on and find support from experts in everything from nutrition to careers. The site also recently launched its new MumsMeet service as a way of allowing mums to make friends in their area. You will need to register free to make the most of the advice site.
THREE WAYS TO... make bathtime fun for you and your child 1. Bathtime should be a way for you and your child to bond and relax at the end of a busy day. Make it a priority and find a convenient slot when there are no distractions - if the phone rings, let the answer machine pick it up.
2. Have a few different bubble baths or essential oils available and let your child choose. A couple of drops of chamomile or lavender oil should calm your child down - and don't forget their favourite bath toy.
3. For an extra special treat, why not have an extra bathtime activity one night a week? Perhaps read your child's favourite poem, play their top tune or bring some bubble blowing mixture into the bathroom.
WHEN IS MY CHILD READY... to clean his/her own teeth?
Children should be able to clean their teeth unsupervised from around the age of seven, soon after their baby teeth start to fall out. Encourage your children to brush in circular movements, using a soft toothbrush suitable for their age and a pea-sized amount of fluoride toothpaste. They should keep up a routine, brushing twice a day, preferably in the morning and before they go to bed at night. Make it more fun by having brushing races, and allow your child to choose their own toothbrush. Remember that plenty of praise gets the best results!
READER TIP When your kids go back to school, it won't be long before their shoes get scuffed in the playground. The days of spit and polish are long gone, so why not invest in a good waterproof wax cleaner to keep them looking new for longer?