The family way (From Kidderminster Shuttle)

The family way

7:00am Saturday 21st November 2009

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Lisa Salmon looks at the weird, wonderful and sometimes weary world of parenting.

Stay Safe In Cyberspace.

Mobile phones and computers are an essential part of life for modern kids - but they're also an essential part of many bullies' toolkits.

Cyberbullying is a growing problem, with victims getting younger as children are given mobile phones and become computer savvy at an earlier age.

Certainly, recent research by the Department for Children, Schools and Families found that more than a third of 12-15s had been cyberbullied.

And the escalation of the problem is why the theme for this year's Anti-Bullying Week (November 16-20) is Stay Safe In Cyberspace, which aims to highlight what cyberbullying is and what young people and parents can do about it.

This type of bullying can take many forms, ranging from nasty or threatening text messages or emails, and vicious rumours spread through the same channels, to false profiles established on social networking sites and cruel or embarrassing pictures circulated on the internet.

While cyberbullying can be an extension of other, face-to-face victimisation, the national manager of the Anti-Bullying Alliance (ABA), Sue Steel, says it can also be totally separate.

"Part of the issue is that because it's not physical or face-to-face, it may not be taken seriously," she points out.

"But since this form of communication is so important for young people, it can be very hard for them. It can affect them every time they switch on their phone or computer.

"It's different from face-to-face bullying, but it can be just as hurtful."

She says there are ways to tackle cyberbullying, primarily by taking the problem seriously - and by informing children how to keep themselves safe online.

Steel advises them to follow these tips: :: Don't give out personal details online, such as your mobile number, address or email.

:: Regularly check and clean 'friends' lists on social networking sites.

:: Keep evidence - callers and mailers can be traced.

:: Find the 'report abuse' or 'block sender' options on favourite websites.

:: Remember that sites you've created and emails you've sent can be traced back to you.

:: Protect passwords to keep files and information safe.

:: If you're being bullied in any way, you must tell an adult who can help.

The average age that a child gets a mobile phone today is around eight, says Steel.

"We have to recognise that children using modern technology are getting younger and younger, and as soon as they're involved in it cyberbullying is a potential risk," she says.

"They need to know how to keep themselves safe online in the same way that they need to negotiate all sorts of things about growing up."

Steel warns young people to be careful of what they say online, and remember that messages and images can be made public and stay online forever.

But it's not just children who can reduce the risk and effects of cyberbullying. Parents can also help by: :: Knowing which websites children visit and helping them find the 'report abuse' or 'block sender' options.

:: Warning children not to reply to unpleasant messages.

:: Urging them to keep evidence.

:: Ensuring they protect their password to keep their files and information safe.

:: Encouraging them to talk to you or another adult if they're cyberbullied.

Ellice Bush was 15 when she was cyberbullied, but she overcame her bad experiences and set up an anti-bullying website (www.justsmile.org.uk) with her sisters Ria and Neola. She and her twin Ria also won a Diana Award for an innovative web safety project.

Ellice endorses the view that you should tell an adult if you find yourself in that situation.

Before the bullying started, she felt bubbly and confident, but it made her question herself.

"When you're being cyberbullied you feel like you've lost your identity.

"When people were saying horrible things about my looks, I knew it wasn't true, but after a while I started believing it as I had lots of different people leaving messages, and it all built up.

"It's so humiliating and embarrassing, as you go into school and you know that all your friends know about it."

Ellice says she was in tears every morning, and when she realised the bullying wasn't going to stop, she decided it was time to speak out.

"My advice to anyone being cyberbullied is to tell someone. I know it sounds hard, but once you take that first step it gets easier, as it's being dealt with.

"The worst thing you can do is to just leave it and say nothing."

But if children don't speak out, parents may be unaware that their child is a victim as, like any bullying, they're unlikely to see it actually happening.

Signs that a child could be being bullied may include them being moody, silent or crying, possibly seeming upset after using the computer or their mobile phone, not wanting to look at texts or being secretive about them.

They may also be withdrawn, change their eating habits and sleep badly.

"All a parent can do is look for the signs that might arise from bullying - they're not going to see bullying on a phone any more than they're likely to see their child being bullied face-to-face," says Steel.

"Parents need to talk to their children so they understand how the technology can be used and misused."

:: See website www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk for more information.

Ask the expert Q: "My seven-year-old daughter saw a television programme which involved sex, and has asked me about it. I don't know whether to tell her all about the birds and the bees now, because she's so young. What should I do?"

A: Dr Laura Berman is the author of the book Sex Ed: How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex (published on November 16 by DK, priced £12.99).

She says: "Your reaction should depend greatly on what the programme content was. If the show just alluded to sex, then your explanations can be more simple and broad.

"However, if your daughter saw a sex act in graphic detail, then more specific answers and guidance will be needed. Ultimately, your answers should be based upon her questions.

"Rather than trying to over-complicate the situation, allow the conversation to happen naturally. Answer only the questions that she asks and keep your replies brief, honest and age-appropriate.

"At this age, most children only think of sex as mechanical rather than as passionate or sensual. Be sure that you don't shame or scare your daughter about what she saw, and remember that the more casual and comfortable you behave, the less of big deal this will be to her.

"Sadly, there's a lot of sexual messaging out there, so it's important to be vigilant when it comes to protecting young children from certain channels."

Website of the week: www.supersavvyme.com Supersavvyme was created by consumer goods giant Procter & Gamble after new research revealed that the top priorities for UK mums are ensuring the family has fun, and running the family budget. As well as tackling those subjects, the site features guest contributors, bloggers and experts on a variety of family and women's issues. There's also information on family health and topics including parenting, fashion and beauty, and the home and food.

:: The Department of Health has issued a new number for parents who want to order a free copy of the Rough Guide To Childhood Illnesses booklet: 020 7478 7849.

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