The family way (From Kidderminster Shuttle)

The family way

7:00am Saturday 20th February 2010 in Lifestyle

Lisa Salmon looks at the weird, wonderful and sometimes weary world of parenting.

Speaking another language is a huge asset - and the best time to learn is when you're young.

However, a survey has found that while 27% of parents regret dropping languages at school, a third fail to encourage their children into languages at GCSE level.

And with GCSE options time approaching for around 600,000 teenagers, that might be bad news, as three-quarters of adults surveyed by the National Centre for Languages (CILT) felt languages provided the most valuable life skills of all the non-compulsory school subjects.

However, that doesn't necessarily mean they can help their children succeed with languages, as another CILT study found that nearly a quarter of parents feel unable to give their children adequate support with their language homework.

CILT spokeswoman Teresa Tinsley says: "It's understandable that many parents struggle with homework help, as it's impossible to be an expert at everything.

"However, being able to speak a second language will open up a world of opportunities for young people, so we'd like to see parents put away their anxieties and think about the benefits of their children taking a language at GCSE level - to ensure they don't look back with regret."

Regret may not be all those who don't learn a language feel - the CILT study found that nearly half of people who only spoke one language envied their friends who spoke more than one, and one in five thought those who spoke a second language appeared more intelligent.

That's surely what parents would want for their kids, yet the latest figures show that the number of pupils choosing to take a language at 14 is falling - and has been since 2002, when it became non-compulsory to take a foreign language at GCSE level.

The proportion of schools where more than 50% of pupils study a language in year 10 has dropped from 45% in 2008-9 to 40% in the current school year.

However, from next year it will be compulsory for children to learn a language from the age of seven in primary schools, and linguists hope the introduction of languages at such a young age could encourage more kids to opt for languages at GCSE and beyond.

Lid King, National Director for Languages, says reservations about learning a language seem to kick in about the age of 13 or 14.

"But when you go into primary schools, enthusiasm for languages is normal - children don't feel worried about learning them at all.

"It's certainly the intention that having to learn a language in primary school will encourage more pupils to do them at GCSE level."

It's estimated that one in eight people use a language at work in the UK.

But it's not just work where languages come in handy - two-thirds of Britons have used their language skills on a date, while 21% have made friends with the help of a language.

"Many companies want multi-lingual employees," says King, "but it's more important in other ways as well - for people's personal satisfaction.

"We're living in a global society, and to have access through languages to so many other cultures is extremely important."

French, Spanish and German are still the most commonly taught languages, but King says it's very difficult to predict which languages people will need.

"I think the most important thing is that people should learn any language well by the time they're 16, and that gives you the basis for learning other languages if you need to, or bits of other languages."

As well as GCSEs, language learning for young people may be through qualifications like NVQs, or the Asset Languages assessment scheme, where children and adults can take a test in just listening and speaking a language.

In addition, some schools are giving parents guidance on how to help their children with languages, through simple things like language learning opportunities on holidays or through contacts, or just by testing their vocabulary.

"Lots of parents wish they'd done a language, and they support the idea of their children learning a language, but they feel a bit nervous about what they can do to help," says King, who speaks French well, plus some Italian, Greek and Japanese.

"I think there's a bit of fear that parents have - they remember bad experiences when they felt nervous about learning a language.

"There's quite a bit of work going on now aimed at parents to encourage them to see languages not only as very beneficial for their kids, but as something normal."

And while he says that limited exposure to languages can make learning them challenging, he stresses: "If they're so hard to learn, how come most of the world's population manages to learn them?"

Ask the expert Q: "We spend all our time trying to be the best parents we can, and don't have time for each other any more. Are we right to put the kids before our marriage?"

Family therapist David Code, author of To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First (Crossroad, September 2009, £9.95), says: "These days, parents seem to be married to their children instead of their spouses.

"The truth is, we may find it easier to be with our kids than our partners, and our anxious focus on our kids is contributing to the growing number of children with social problems and special needs.

"We have long known that neglect is bad for our kids, but why would paying too much attention cause problems?

"It begins with our primal fight-or-flight response as we interact with our mate in our marriages. Many couples worry that our fight-response may lead to divorce, but we don't realise our flight-response brings just as much tension to the household.

"We're aware of our fight-response when we snap at our spouse, but we're not aware how our flight-response causes us to avoid our spouse by working late, switching on the TV or making our kids the centre of our lives.

"Kids pick up on everything, and research suggests they soak up the anxiety in a tense, distant household until their fragile nervous systems hit overload, and then they act out.

"A problem in your child could be a wake-up call for your marriage.

"The solution? To raise happy kids, put your marriage first.

"Knowledge is power, and when we become aware of how we distance from our spouses, it's win-win for the family. If we improve our marriages, we can stop marrying our kids and pass less baggage onto them.

"What a great example for their future relationships."

Website of the week: www.facebook.com/woolworthsuk This Shrove Tuesday (February 16), woolworths.co.uk is encouraging parents to help kids take part in a competition to create a pancake portrait.

The best entrant in the competition, which is open to children aged between five and 11, will win a junior cookery course for two.

The pancake face can be made using any ingredients, including raisins, sweets, fruit, cream and coloured icing. Then a photo of the portrait should be posted on the Facebook page.

The closing date is February 22. The winner will be announced on Facebook the next day.